Dear old self, From my now self.

"ORGANIC!

Everything my baby eats will be organic. 

I've researched. The sparkling baby bullet is sitting in my kitchen. I've decided. 

And after baby food...STILL organic. 

Mac and cheese? Chicken nuggets? Cheese puffs?

GROSS! 

My baby will never eat that POISON."

That was me. Almost 3 years ago. Freshly pregnant with this little lady...

I can't help but laugh when I think about that old self.
My brand, spanking new, pregnancy test still dripping with pee, new-found mommy self.
The one who would laugh in my face if I were to go back in time and show her this picture.

Conversation between my old self and my now self:

"Who is that kid? And WHERE is her mom?"

Where is her mom?

I'm sitting right here.

Watching her eat cheese puffs straight from the bag.
"How did she get that bag of poison?"

I gave it to her.
"What kind of mom are you?!"

Funny story, actually. I'm you. My child is the one who is hanging out inside your uterus right now.

"HAHAHA! You're crazy. You are not me. NO way."

Oh, I promise I am you. 

A you who is 2 years and 1 month into (out of the womb) mommy-hood.  

A you who played hard all morning with her 2 year old.
A you who (spoiler alert!) just danced her 4 month old to sleep. 

A you who is tired. 

A you who realized that allowing her toddler to eat a few cheese puffs, will allow her to sit down and rest for a few minutes.

I know you want what's best for that sweet baby growing in your belly...

You've already heard and read that the only way to provide that is to do organic everything...

but truth is,
you're going to stress yourself out.
You're going to give your baby things that aren't organic.
You're going to feel like you failed,

but you haven't failed.
You've learned.
You've learned that the only person who knows what's best for your baby is YOU.

If organic-everything stresses you out too much,

then it's not what's best for your baby.

And approximately 3 years from the moment you're in right now,

you'll finally realize that you haven't failed...

that you're an awesome mommy...

and that a few cheese puffs won't hurt.

one day

We've all had them.
Days when we feel like we are 2 seconds away from running away.
And by running away, I mean calling someone (husband, mom, friend) and letting them know, in a calm but serious voice, that you will be leaving your house in a few short seconds.
What about the kids?
That's why I called you.
You're not taking them with you?
No. They've been screaming all day. Refused naps. Threw their food.  Drew on the wall.  Peed in the floor.  Hit me in the face. Made me cry. They're the reason I'm running away.
I'll be right over.
Thank you. By the way, the house is a wreck. Dirty laundry, dirty dishes.  The living room, the bathroom. I'm not even going to describe the state of my bedroom. Please hurry. 
Ok, where are you going?
Well, I was going to just get in the car and drive as far as I could.  But I'm too tired for that.  I think I'll just take a nap.  And maybe a shower.  Did I mention that I need you to hurry?

Am I right?

The days we feel like failures.  To our kids.  To motherhood.  To all of mankind.

You know what I think?

I think we are putting too much pressure on ourselves.

The house should be spotless.  Empty laundry baskets, not overflowing with dirty clothes. Spotless sinks, not piled up with dishes from last night's dinner....and maybe the night before that...and also from breakfast and lunch.  Clean floors, not covered in toys, stained with spills and smudged with tiny footprints.

Stop.  Stop putting so much pressure on yourself. Stop letting others put pressure on you.

One time, I read something along the lines of "When I'm frustrated with my kids, don't tell me how fast time passes. Don't tell me how much you wish you could go back to where I am right now."

Why is that not ok?  Why is it not ok for a woman, who has been where you are, to tell you that time passes far too quickly?

As a mommy of a 2 year old and a 4 month old, I'm here to tell you....
Time has never passed so fast.
We wake up in the mornings, and before I know it, the day is over and we're going to bed.
It's like trying to hold water in your hands.
These days are going to be gone before we know it.
The days of hearing little footsteps...the same ones that leave smudges on the floor.
The days of filling up sippy cups...the same ones that spill and leave stains.
One day we'll have time to wash the piles of laundry and the dirty dishes.
One day, our babies won't need our constant attention.
Because they won't be babies anymore.

Let's kick the expectations and pressure to the curb.
Let's give ourselves a little grace.

And if you still feel like running away sometimes?
That's ok.
Call your husband, call your mom, call a friend....
Ask for help.
Take a hot shower and a power nap.
And when you wake up, enjoy every second of your babies, being babies.
You'll have a spotless house one day.