30 days

As I was randomly browsing through Facebook this morning, a post from my photographer caught my attention. She had posted a picture of a pregnant lady...so naturally I clicked on it, and to my surprise, the pregnant lady was me.

I immediately felt so many emotions. Disbelief, mostly. And then I read what she wrote about the picture.

"'Stand still and consider the wondrous works of God.'- Job 37:14  
I know this is a time that Autumn and Tyler are standing still and considering another amazing chapter in their story. When I got to this image, I stopped. I remembered so much about how Autumn and Tyler got to be Autumn and Tyler(and now Adi, too) and God reminded me of how big His plans are."

And the tears flowed. And they continue to flow.
Three years ago, around this time, I got a phone call from a doctor who said that my test results were back. She told me I needed to sit down. I sat in silence as she said,
 All of your tests show that you have no eggs. If you were considering having children in the future, I suggest you start looking into other options. You will never be able to have a baby of your own.
I don't know if I said anything. I think I just hung the phone up. I tried to comprehend what I had just heard, and I broke down. My whole heart shattered into a million pieces. My world stopped. I had never felt such devastation...even when I received the news of having cancer.....that was nothing compared to the thought of never experiencing the feeling of having a little life growing inside of me.
The next 2 years were a rollercoaster of emotions. There was never a day when I didn't think about that phone call. I rejoiced with couples who were announcing their pregnancies and the births of their babies....but I also mourned inside.
My sweet husband would find me in bed during the day, crying...and he always said the same thing.
Babe, if God wants us to have a baby, we're going to have a baby.
I wanted to believe his words more than anything...but I couldn't. I had no eggs. How could I ever be pregnant if I didn't have eggs? It felt impossible. It was impossible.
But 8 months ago, I woke up at 4 in the morning....to pee. And while I was half asleep, I dug through my bathroom cabinet and pulled out a dust covered pregnancy test, took it, and no more than 5 seconds later, God showed me just how possible my impossible was.....I was pregnant.

And today marks exactly one month until my due date!

No matter how hopeless and impossible your situation may seem, just keep reminding yourself...
God loves showing us just how possible our impossible is.


from Tyler to Daddy

Besides watching miss Adi grow and move inside my belly,
what has been  my favorite thing about pregnancy?
My husband.
The man who has never been around an infant.
The man who I find (often) standing in front of Adi's closet with tears in his eyes.
The man who is madly in love with the tiny girl in my uterus,
but is terrified that he is going to break her neck off.
He's been my favorite.
Especially here recently.
At our last baby appointment, my doctor made a statement that has caused my husband to have sleepless, upset stomach, and nervous diarrhea-filled nights, ever since.
You need to start watching for signs of labor because she could make her appearance ANYTIME.
I was extremely excited to hear that.
Tyler looked like he was about to pass out.

He has his bag packed, he packed his "manly" diaper bag, the car is constantly filled with gas, he calls me/texts me 1000 times a day, and like I said....he hasn't slept a wink.

It's the cutest/sweetest/funniest thing I've ever watched.

The night before last, I got into the shower at 11pm.
He ran into the bathroom.
Autumn, why are you taking a shower so late??? Are you ok??
I'm fine, I just used dry shampoo this morning...and I don't want to have nasty hair when I go to the hospital.
No babe. I'm just being prepared.

I slept like a log that night.
Tyler didn't sleep at all....and he puked.

Even though I giggle at a lot of the things he's been doing,
I have never been more in love with my husband.
Watching him turn into a Daddy....
it absolutely melts my heart.
I can't wait to see him hold Adi in his arms for the first time.
My heart just might burst.