3.05.2012

Valentine's and FATMIMS

Spoiler Alert! If you are planning on watching the movie "One Day" with Anne Hathaway, you may not want to read this post. I'm totally going to tell you how it ends.


This past Valentine's Day was our third spent together and our first as a married couple! Tyler planned a dinner date and since he knew that I was DYING to see "The Vow," he called our two local theaters only to find out that they weren't showing it. First of all, REALLY? What theater didn't show that movie on Valentine's Day? Anyway, after dinner we decided to rent a movie from Redbox. Of course I wanted to pick out a sappy, romantic movie, what else would you watch on February 14th?  After much convincing, Tyler finally caved and agreed to let me rent the sap.

Before I go on, I feel like I need to explain why I have to convince Tyler to let me rent sappy, romantic movies.  You see, I have a slight problem.  For some reason, I have been cursed with FATMIMS.  Never heard of it? It's short for: Fall Asleep Thirty Minutes Into Movie Syndrome.   No, it's not an actual medical condition....but it should be! The symptoms are quite debilitating.  If I start to watch a movie at (or later than) 6 o'clock pm,  FATMIMS ALWAYS ATTACKS ME. My vision blurs, my eyes burn, my eyelids feel like they weigh 90 million pounds, and as hard as I try, there is no fighting it. I pass out and have to watch the rest of the movie the next morning.  At first, Tyler thought I only had FATMIMS when we were watching "guy" movies. You know, the action-packed blood and guts movies (which I happen to find extremely exciting and thoroughly entertaining); but he quickly learned that FATMIMS doesn't care what movie I am watching...it shows no favoritism.  Tyler is the exact opposite.  Once he starts watching a movie, no matter how late it is, he HAS to finish it. Period. With that being said, the reason I have to convince him to let me rent a "chick flick" is because he knows that he will have to watch the movie by himself.  He has to succumb to his feminine side.  Needless to say, he doesn't like it.
(Just in case you are wondering, FATMIMS normally does not affect me in movie theaters...notice I said 'normally'...sadly, it has happened.)

Ok, so back to Valentine's Day.  We stopped at Redbox and I saw the movie, "One Day," on the preview sign. Ooooohhh I love Anne Hathaway! We have to rent this one! Yep, this is the one.  Tyler forced himself to smile and swiped his card.  On the way home, we had the following conversation:
T- You know I am going to end up watching this movie by myself, right? 
Me- Tyler! You will not. It's Valentine's Day! Not just any Valentine's Day, but our first one as husband and wife, this is a special day, I'm not going to fall asleep
T- he smiled okay babe.
I knew he didn't believe me, but dangit, I was going to prove him wrong!

We got home, gathered up some junk food and started the movie. It was almost 9pm and I was feelin' goooood. Take that FATMIMS! I finished stuffing my face and leaned back.
(Here is what I was thinking):
How long has this movie been on? At least an hour. I looked at the clock. WHAT? It's only 9:25???! It's only been on 25 minutes?!? Oh no. This is bad. Oh no...my eyes...MY EYES! They're so heavy...and they BURN! NOOO...NO FATMIMS.....NO! 
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I woke up the next morning.

When I woke up, Tyler was already awake.
Me-Sooooo how was the rest of the movie?
T-Autumn,  SHE FREAKING GOT HIT BY A TRACTOR TRAILER!
Me- WHAT!
T- Yeah, after you fell asleep, they finally got married.  They were so happy.  They decided they wanted to have a baby......and a year later there was still no baby. One morning they got into a fight because she was upset about not being able to get pregnant.  She left to swim and he went to work. After she was finished swimming she called him and left him a voice mail telling him she was sorry for getting upset and to meet her at a restaurant for lunch and that she loved him.  The next scene is her riding her bike down the street and SHE GOT HIT BY A FREAKING TRACTOR TRAILER AND DIED.  Then it shows her husband looking out the window of the restaurant waiting for her. It came out of nowhere...I wasn't expecting it at all!
I'm surprised you didn't wake up. When she got hit, I was holding you so tight I'm surprised you could even breathe.  After the movie ended I couldn't even go to sleep because I felt terrible...so I kept holding you tight and I just......please don't EVER RIDE A BIKE WHERE THERE ARE TRACTOR TRAILERS....okay?
Me-...................................okay............. I'm kind of glad I fell asleep....that's awful.
T- It was worse than awful. You're not allowed to pick out movies ever again.

After he left for work, I told myself I wasn't going to watch the rest....but curiosity got the best of me. I mean, I knew how it was going to end, so it shouldn't bother me.
Here's a live stream of my brain while I watched the movie:
Yeah, I think this is where I fell asleep. Yeah, that's it.
I can't believe she dies...
awww...I'm so glad they are finally dating...
I can't believe she dies...
Yay! They're getting married!
I can't believe she dies...
They are so cute...so happy...kind of like Tyler and me...
I can't believe she dies.....oh my gosh....I hope I don't die!...
And there's the baby talk. They're going to have a baby. So sweet.
Oh...Tyler said they couldn't have a baby...that's why they get into a....oh...here's the fight.
Oh no...she's going to die...
There she is swimming...she's getting out of the pool...and she's calling him...oooh...oooh...she's leaving the voice mail....this is the last time he is going to hear her voice...
*I start bawling here...only because I already know what is about to happen*
*wiping my tear-filled face* She's riding her bike to go meet him...where's the tractor trailer?....oh no...where is it? Oh no...oh no,oh no, oh no...
Then I ACTUALLY SEE and HEAR a tractor trailer HIT HER........and as if that wasn't bad enough....it SHOWS her broken body laying on the street!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

While crying hysterically, I text my husband.
Me- YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THAT IT SHOWS HER GETTING HIT BY THE TRACTOR TRAILER!!!
T- Yep lol.
.......................


 
What I have learned from this: 1. Next time (if I ever get to pick out a movie again) I rent a movie for Valentine's Day, I should probably look up the reviews first 2. "One Day" = Valentine movie fail 3. I'm no longer in denial about my FATMIMS....it doesn't matter what day or what movie....if it is after 6pm...it will always win 4. I will never ride a bike around tractor trailers 5. My husband purposely left out the whole "oh yeah, and it's graphic" part....and I think it may have been on purpose.


I changed the settings on my blog, so anyone can leave comments!

10 comments:

em said...

FATMIMS!

finally there is someone else on this planet who suffers from the same condition!
it is for this reason that i resolve to let my husband chose the night time movies, and i get the day time choices instead (although, FATMIMS can strike at any time).

i have read this post twice, laughing and crying all at once.
I love that your hubby begged you not to ride a bike near trailors... too cute.

Congrats on your first valentine's day as H&W x

Autumn Ingram said...

em, nice to meet you:)

oh my goodness,I am so glad that you enjoyed the post and I am relieved to know that I am not alone! You are a smart lady to let your husband pick out the night time movies, I am definitely not going to be picking them out anymore.

Thank you so much for your congrats and for your comment!

Ben & Cassie said...

Hey thanks for the sweet comment on my blog! I just checked yours out, read your story, and a few posts and I am hooked! I will be following...ps, i read "one day" this past summer and when I got to that part, I threw the book across the room, cried and never finished reading it, I couldn't, i am a happy ending every time kind of girl, that kind of sounded naughty whoops! anyways thanks again!

Lindsey said...

So funny! I love your blog, it's so cute!!

Autumn Ingram said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Autumn Ingram said...

Thank you so much! I love yours, too!

Autumn Ingram said...

You are so welcome! I love your blog, it is adorable! I definitely don't blame you for not finishing it, it was TERRIBLE.

Chloe said...

I totally have FATMIMS too! I always thought it was just me. Now I feel a lot better! Love your blog, just started reading it today. checkout clovermarie214.blogspot.com. It's not half as cool as your blog but I want it to be someday! If you have any helpful tips they're welcome ;)

Lydia Geisendorfer said...

Holy stinking cow! I didn't know there was anyone else out there that did that. My brothers have always made fun of me, saying that if it was after supper time and we started a movie they knew I would be gone in no time. Now my poor husband has to deal with me. He didn't believe my brothers before, he sure does now. Ha ha Also I was seriously hoping that Tyler was trying to get your goat by making up such a horrible ending like that! I was hoping that you would go back and watch it and it would just be a happy sappy movie. That is so SAD!

Lydia
www.justatouchofgrace.blogspot.com

Courtney Rose said...

I literally DIED laughing out loud!! I just came across your blog and I think you are hyterical in some of your posts. I thought I was the only person who had this issue but I am so glad there is someone out there that has "FATMIMS". HAHA that's great!