4.16.2012

Everyone Does It.

I'm about to get real up in here.

I'm going to talk about a 4 letter word that causes a lot of embarrassment.
It is something I promised myself that I would never do.
It's something I did yesterday.
Needless to say, it caused ME a lot of embarrassment yesterday...but for the sake of newlywed-ness, I am writing this post.
The more I tried to talk myself out of telling you all about it, the more I laughed; 
the more I realized how perfectly it fit in with newly married life.
It's such a gross word.
It can be a noun..or a verb.
It's something a "lady" shouldn't say.
Something a "lady" doesn't do (ha!)
Do you have any guesses?
I can't believe I'm about to write it out for everyone to see.
I think I'm going to vomit.
Ok.
The embarrassing, four letter, gross word that a "lady" shouldn't say or do, is...
fart.
Oh my gosh.
There it is.
Out in the open.
(no pun intended...or maybe it is) 

How does this relate to newlywed life?
Well, I feel like I'm probably not the only new wife who believed and had high expectations that she would never do that in front of her husband.
I also feel like I'm probably not the only new wife who didn't live up to her expectations.  

Here's how it went down.
We were on our way to Roanoke, yesterday.
We were going to shop, eat dinner, watch a movie, and pick my dad up from the airport.
It's a two hour drive.
During the drive, I got a rumbly in my tumbly.
I tried to ignore it, but I quickly realized the feeling wasn't going to go away.
It was there to stay.
So I quickly made a plan in my head.
Just do it Autumn.  He won't even notice.  And, hey, even if he does notice, he does it ALL THE TIME. Yeah, he's not going to notice. 
So what did I do?
I did it.
And to my HORROR, I heard it.....so I KNEW he had to have heard it.
NOOOOO.
I sat there in silence, and stared out my window, praying I had just imagined the noise.
Oh, he heard.
He broke the silence by starting the following conversation:
Babe? ummmmm.  What was that noise?
What noise?
Babe.  Did you just fart?
What?
Hahahaha you did! Oh my gosh you did!
I burried my face in my hands
Oh my gosh I'm going to jump out of the truck.
Does it smell?   
TYLER! Oh my gosh....I am so embarrassed...
Because if it does, you should probably roll down the window...there's a slight chance that if I smell it, I might not find you attractive anymore.
...
After he said that, my awkwardness/embarrassment/horror began to fade and we have never laughed so hard in our lives. 

Hey, everyone does it! But just because I did it once, doesn't mean I will EVER do it again.
Hooray for awkward/embarrassing newlywed moments!
I dare you to tell yours:)



 

20 comments:

The Pink Growl said...

Girl you are so funny! He probably does not care about that at all! Definitely a milestone though.

Whitney Leigh said...

only because you dared me.
We were still dating and we were up at my parent's house for Sunday dinner when he started tickling me in the living room. Like, hard core, mean tickling where I was about to pee my pants. And I had been holding this one in all day, and I was freaking out in my head and doing my best to not let it loose and started crawling away when he came up behind me and jump started me and it scared me so bad I farted RIGHT IN HIS FACE!!! I thought that was it for our relationship. I was certain he would dump me right there. But he just started laughing. and laughing and LAUGHING! So much that my whole family started getting curious and all he could say was, "SHEhahahahahahahaFARTEDhahahahahaRIGHTINMYFACE!!!" then my whole family started making fun of me. I almost would have preferred him dumping me.
and there you have it.

Stephanie Chae Qualls said...

I just laughed so hard I cried. Like tears rolling down my face crying. Then when I stopped laughing (and crying) I read her^^ comments and laughed and cried some more. I feel ashamed but we crossed that bridge a LONG time ago. A lonnnng time ago. Haha. It was humiliating. I'm pretty sure the words that came out of my mouth were, "I'm an ogre!" Hahahah.

Cassandra Henri said...

OH my gosh that's too funny. I too have crossed that bridge and can laugh about it now. Boy oh boy.

Autumn Ingram said...

hahahahahahahahahahah!!! I am laughing hysterically right now, just so you know:)

Autumn Ingram said...

hahaha! Well, Tyler crossed the bridge a million years ago. And technically, I had crossed it too....I was just very stealthy. I have no more stealth apparently.

thecoffeehouse said...

ahhahaha. i am laughing sooooo hard. dan and i have been together for 8 years now. 8! and he still has yet to hear me fa**. nope, i don't like to say it either.

twiggy@thedirtlife said...

oh, farting! gosh, we started farting in front of eachother when we were dating!! i don't even remember the first time i farted in front of him...how can i not remember that? i'm only 26!!

here was our moment:
ok. farting apparently wasn't a big milestone for us. perhaps we are disgusting people, who knows. pooping in front of each other, however, was something that i NEVER thought we would do. honeymoon night, hunter throws the covers off and walks across our fancy hotel room-BUTT NAKED. he then says, "i need to poop". i just remember saying, "but, it's like...midnight". he then proceded to poop with the door open WHILE talking to me. i remember thinking at that point, "oh, so this is something we do now". so, so, so weird. so...i pooped in front of him the next day. yep. and now, we practically have all of our important conversations in the bathroom. i'm surprised we still find eachother attractive.

Jes said...

chris does a lot of creepy things like calling his legs sexy tree trunks but he has never intentionally farted in front of me. he craps more than an ape though and goes through a roll of toilet paper a day (seriously)... but he doesn't fart in front of me. i'll take the gentleman i can get. but don't even get me started on the farting in the sleep. DONT GET ME STARTED.

Jes said...

also, LOOOOVEEE your picture :)

Shauna said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog! I am your newest follower ;) This post is funny.

Shauna
www.ShaunaWyrick.com

Kristin said...

Hahaha! You are toooo funny! This reminds me of a very similar story that happened to my sister/brother-in-law who are newlyweds. We all (somehow) live through it! :-) Anyway, nice to meet you - had fun discovering you blog today, and guess what? I live near Roanoke! So if you ever happen down this way again, we might just have to arrange a "blate"! Hope your Tuesday is fabulous...

Mrs. Robinson said...

Haha! This is great! :) I "tooted" in front of my husband for the first time in January. I wrote a tiny little post about the event...just to mention it in passing for documentation purposes, you know? Haha. (Link: http://mynewwifelife.blogspot.com/2012/01/farts-fights.html) The story was nothing great...we were getting ready for bed and it just slipped out. He asked if I farted and I SWORE that I had no clue what he was talking about and actually convinced him that he was hearing things. Word. A few weeks later, it came up that I'd written a post about the event and he was SO shocked. Come to find out, I had ACTUALLY convinced him that he'd been hearing things. I thought he just gave up getting me to admit it and played along. I didn't think he ACTUALLY believe me! Haha. We laughed about it, but I was so embarrassed. It will NEVER be something I just do in front of him. Only on accident. Haha.

Rachael said...

Hysterical!! Girl, it happens.. you gotta just laugh about it! My post about the versitile blogger award went up today! Check it out :)

xo

The Adventurer said...

Oh friend, I love love love this. And I am even happier that you SHARED it with us. You. Are. Awesome.

Crystal ~Skittle Bug~ said...

Oh man, you are so cute. John and I had this lovely event happen when we were dating. I couldn't hold it and John heard it and he YELLED, "Everyone mark the date on the calendar!! The first time I ever heard Crystal fart!!" So dumb. Now I don't really care... ha! I mean I'm not going crazy over here, but it has to happen! And I let it! lol John on the other hand, is HORRIBLE. Does NOT care at ALL... oh boy...

Lyndsey said...

hahahah you broke the barrier! I can't say this is an issue for us at all. We share the only bathroom so most of the time we have to pee while the other one is in the bathroom which doesn't bother me. And for some reason he tends to always talk to me while I am in the bathroom, so really farting is nothing to us now! He is mr. gassy so if I have to endure it, he does too, although mine always smell like roses of course ;) It's not a bad thing, it's a good thing. Learning to be comfortable with each other takes time, but it will make things easier on you!

Shonnie said...

Oh my!! How funny! :) I love your blog...so cute!

Emily said...

Ha ha, so funny! I have now been married almost 10 years...been there :)
Creamy

Lauren said...

This post had me cracking up!! Loved the brutal honesty in it:-)