Play By Play

Play by play of my trip to Alabama.
I am sitting in the airport, waiting for my flight.
My flight was supposed to take off at 7:26.
It's delayed.
Normally I would be bummed,
Right now, I am relieved.
Because we were running late.
And because I may have avoided a strip search.
I ran into the airport at 7, praying that it didn't leave early.
 When I heard that it was about an hour delayed, I decided to go through my purse.
Do you remember what I carry in my purse?
If not, go back to my Peep Please! post.
Look at the picture.
What item do you think would not be good to take on a plane?
I'll give you a hint.
It is pink...and it is used to spray people in the face.
That probably wouldn't have gone over well with the security guard.
My luck, I would have been strip searched.

 I’m on the plane now.   
You know how I was talking about being stripped searched?
When I went through security, there were about 6 secutity guys. 
 They all greeted me with kind smiles.   
I walked through the metal detector with no problem, and right when one of the guys was getting ready to say, “you’re good to go,”   I heard “DING, DING, DING!!” 
All 6 of the security guards smiles immediately turned into a MEAN faces.
 One of them said, “You have been randomly selected to be more thoroughly searched.” 
I wanted to kick him in the face….at that moment, I really wished I still had my mace.
I was panicking in my mind…but I tried to stay calm and collected.   
After all, I didn’t want them to know that I was panicking….
that would have made me look suspicious.  
All 6 security guys discussed what they were going to do.   
One of them said “mam, please step behind this curtain.” 
Another guy spoke up and said “no, let’s just do the hand check.” 
Hand check? 
  They ended up wiping my hands with some type of napkin thing and ran it through a machine to see if I had been touching bomb material.
 (I guess that’s what they were checking for)
Thank the Lord.  No touching of my body.

I’m sitting on the plane now.  We were getting ready to start down the runway when air traffic control called the pilot and told him we couldn’t take off for another 31 minutes. 
I want to see my hubs, dang it!!!
It’s 9:02.  We’re finally in the air.!
Every time I fly, when I’m a gazillion feet in the air, I think about how unnatural it is for such a large object to be in the sky, and how crazy I am for being in the large object. 
 I know it’s all about the aerodynamics and stuff…but seriously. 
 Here are some other things I think/do when I’m in the sky:
 1. I am constantly on the watch of suspicious behavior…and I prepare myself to kill bad guys, if necessary
2. I listen to people snore…like the guy who is sawing logs, directly behind me, as we speak; 
3. I read the pamphlet  about how to use my seat as a flotation device, even though I am usually not traveling over any large bodies of water…but hey, if we crash and my side of the plane ends up in a pool/creek/river…I'll be ready.
 4. I inspect my barf bag and make sure there are no holes.. I’ve never had to use one…but I like to be prepared.
 5. I go into a mini panic attack when we hit turbulance….like we are RIGHT NOW..and while I’m panicking,(like I am RIGHT NOW) I wonder HOW ON EARTH CAN THE GUY BEHIND ME STILL BE SNORING?!
6. Oh, and I also go through old pictures on my computer, and laugh hysterically when I come across ones like these.

I made it.
Hey there, Alabama:)


Caitlin said...

I'm glad someone else feels the same way about flying! I love your blog. I'm a soon-to-be "Mrs" and love learning what that means. I'm also about to graduate nursing school. Looks like we have a lot in common. Glad to stumble upon your blog :)

Shaylynn... I BLAHWG. said...

Your barf bag inspection killed me, I do the same thing. Nor have I ever required using one.. so funny.

It would have made my entire life if you made it through security with mase. It really would've.. I'm probably not gonna make it into heaven just so you know.