Monthly Visit

It's time to talk about "girl stuff."
You know,
the visit we get from a so called "aunt" who enjoys drop kicking our ovaries every month.
She gives you a hormone cocktail,
then she tricks you into thinking that eating 2 whole boxes of hot tamales and 10 pieces of Dove chocolate is a good idea.
For a few days, 
you morph into a creature...
that cries over nothing, 
eats everything in sight,
and growls after every sentence,
I am perfectly aware of these things,
...but I didn't think my husband was.
I thought I covered it up around him.
I thought that even during "the visit"
 I was still a sweet, kissy kissy, snugly, loving, precious wife.
I was wrong.
Apparently, during this time, he fears for his life.

Here are some examples:

On the way home from Tennessee on Monday, 
he actually agreed when I told him I wanted to drive some.
I thought he agreed because he wanted a break.
In reality, he agreed because he could tell it was that time
and he didn't want to upset me.
While I was driving, 
 I had some pretty intense road rage.
I  passed an orange road work sign that said the left lane was going to end in 2 miles and that all traffic needed to get into the right lane.
So I did.
I got into the right lane.
But there were some other vehicles that decided to stay in the left lane, 
pass everyone in the right lane, 
and then zip in front of them at the last minute.
That got under my skin.
I decided I was NOT going to let those left laners zip in front of me.
I was going to nonchalantly stay on the bumper of the car ahead of me.
That'll show em!
So that's what I did.
what I thought I did.
After about 3 drivers in the left lane flipped us the bird,
Tyler told me that I was not being nonchalant and that he felt like he needed to make a sign that said,
 "So sorry, my wife is on her period"
 and hold it out his window.
I whipped my head around and said,
he just looked at me for a few seconds and whispered,
because you are scary?...
Apparently, every time the car in front of me would move forward,
I would rev my engine, make a hateful face and look over at the left laners.

Today, we were having (what I thought was) a normal conversation.
At one point I said I was hungry.
 His response was,
"I figured you would be full since you have been biting my head off."

"What is wrong with you," "do you really hate my guts or is it just your hormones,"  and "who are you" have been frequently asked questions from Tyler for the past 3 days.
Poor guy.
When you are married, you can't hide anything..even if you try.
They should change "in good times and in bad" to "in good times and in PMS."

And yes, I drew that.
I know you're impressed.
Happy Wednesday!


H. said...

Ha, oh the joys of being a woman!

Whitney Leigh said...

my emotions are usually in check when I'm on my period, I just have to deal with being stabbed in the ovaries with a rusty shovel, which usually reduces me to tears for a night. but that's from shear pain, not moodiness. but this time I was all over the place. Landon was dealing with five different personalities every five minutes.

Natalie | Mrs. Janney | said...

Haha!! I loved this! I HATE people who wait until the last minute to get over when signs CLEARLY said earlier that you need to get over. And that is true even when I'm not on my period. I just have road rage in general I think.

With the thyroid hormones all out of whack plus PMS, Phil looked at me once last week and said "What is wrong with you?" Gotta love it.

Laura Wilson said...

Haha I'm the same way.

I cry the week before over EVERYTHING which makes my boyfriend think he has done something to upset me which upsets me more. Then I'm crying and trying to explain and he's just looking at me with a COMPLETELY confused face.

Then the week OF...I turn into a she-devil and my boyfriend gets that sweet, soft tone in his voice..."d-don't worry, I can.. do that for you. I mean unless you don't want me to, but I don't mind. Just letting you know"
Poor thing is scared to death.

Katlyn Larson said...

Don't you love being a woman.. I thought I was being sneaky during the dreaded time of the month around my husband.. Yeah he knows too! Haha..
Thanks for sharing this! :)

Lauren said...

Hahaha! How true this post is! I always tell my hubby that PMS is not an excuse for me to act cray-cray, but it is definitely the reason.

Tere Shake said...

oh i love it. its so true, my poor hubby almost begs me to move out for that week. i literally cry over spilled milk. its awful.

Ashley Dunaway said...

You speak the truth! love it, love it, love it!!!

ms.composure said...

LOL omg that sounds just like my boyfriend...gotta love the way guys handle our situations


Lauren said...

Ha! This is too funny, and so true. I never thought I was too bad around "that time". Usually I'm not. But I've noticed the last 2 or 3 times that I really have been crying over NOTHING! What's wrong with me?!


Mrs. Robinson said...

Hmm...interesting. I turn into a monster when I'm on the p. I hate it. So does the hubby...he doesn't have the patience for my mood swings & it usually ends in a fight. But I'm SO glad to see I'm normal! Kind of. =)

wHiT said...

i just came across your blog! I'd love if you could come check out my blog and maybe we could follow each other? let me know, i'd love to hear from you!


Meg @ Mr.C and Me said...

omg, Mrs.Robinson tipped me off to your blog and I cannot get enough! (thanks for helping me slack off at work on a quiet, boring friday). anyway, this post had me howling at my desk and i almost choked pretzel (how very george bush of me). i road rage bit was my favorite! love love love. haha i am expecting my "lady week" any day now so this was perfect timing. i thought the exact same thing - that i was being nice+sweet+loving to my husband but somehow he always knows and in truth calls me out on my demonic ways and moody-craziness. yep, so i'm definitely a follower of the blog now, cannot wait to read your future posts, oh and you can tell your husband that Mr.C & I love taco bell too, so much so we contemplated eating there for our rehearsal dinner! ha!